Budding

July 17, 2023

I feel like I am budding with creativity but I don’t know how to focus it.

I used to believe that it was art. That I needed to paint and draw in order to function, in order to get those creative energies out, in order to be.

In high school and a little after I considered becoming a photographer. I love the connections you make because of it and that there are so many avenues you can go down whether that be people, food, fine art, wildlife, travel or whatever you wanted it to be. One of my sisters got into it, and is an incredible photographer, so that made me want to do it less because I do not want there to be competition in any way.

For a while it was music. I have a pretty good voice ( if I spent more time working on it I honestly believe it could be great, but it has not been a priority because of my anxiety, but that is a whole other thing we can talk about another time ), so for a while I believed that I needed to be a musician. I needed to learn an instrument so that I could accompany myself.

Then there was dancing. I thought that I could become a choreographer or costume designer and that would scratch the creativity itch. Every song I listened to I choreographed a dance in my head as it played.

And then I thought maybe it was in fashion design. I have never been confident in my day-to-day fashion sense, but when it comes to evening gowns – specifically wedding gowns – I had all the confidence in the world. I was going to design wedding gowns for every kind of bride and they were going to be gorgeous. I have not made a single gown in my life, but I was going to make wedding gowns.

There was also event planning. There is so much creativity that goes into events. From the design, to the timeline, to the food, to the entertainment – there as so much that I could control in order to make the event memorable and exciting. ( I still feel like this could be something that would be good for me. I am pretty organized and like to be in charge and know what is going on. I think events are a lot of fun, and honestly we had people tell us that our wedding was one of the most organized events they had ever been to. )

Lastly, there is writing. This is something I have always loved, but felt a little like it was my sisters thing. I didn’t want to step on her toes by doing something that she also loved. My worst nightmare is that I would be more or less successful than one of my siblings in the same profession and there is a rift between us because of that. I love to blog, and honestly I think I would love to write a novel one day.

I guess, right now, I am leaning into the writing. There are so many ways to be creative and I am not sure I found the one that really makes my creative heart sing, but I look forward to figuring it out and finding new ways to express myself on the way.