Summer Had Been For Nana and Papa

September 13, 2023

The light shimmered off of the haze has the cold morning rain faded into hot evening sun. Autumn was just around the corner, but still felt far away on evenings like this one. The way the heat made the whole world come alive, and also feel sleepy, was something Gwen would never understand. She had always loved summer, but autumn really held a special place in her heart. School was fun and she loved to learn, but more than anything, she loved going back home after a summer at her grandparents.

Summers had always been for Nana and Papa and Gwen always loved that. She loved that they lived next to a creek that she could catch small frogs in and she loved that the lush forest called to her all summer long, but she missed her parents and she missed her friends.

This year she would be going into middle school, and it felt like everything was going to change. She could feel it in her bones that this was going to be different than years before. Sydney, her best friend, and her had crushes before this, but the way that Sydney talked about the boy she saw at the ice cream shop over the summer felt very different. It was more than just a crush, Sydney actually liked this boy and had asked him out on a date. What do you even do on a date? Was Sydney going to hold this boys hand? A pang of jealousy ran through her at the thought.

Gwen leaned back on the mossy stump she was resting on and took a deep breath, breathing in the smell of green, and took a sip out of her glass. The tart lemonade was refreshing and soothing to the tightness she felt in her chest. This was the first summer she felt like she was missing out by being at Nana and Papas the whole summer. She knew it was much more fun here, and she would miss spending the time with them if she was to stay home with her parents, but this summer, she felt a change. Sydney had always been hers and hers alone. They both had other friends, Sydney through ballet and gymnastics and Gwen through soccer, but they had always been each others closest and dearest friend. Had that somehow changed over the summer? These fears had never welled up in Gwen before and she was confused by these new emotions.

Not that she had never been jealous before, in first grade, Lina, had brought her new roller skates to class for show-and-tell and they had been Gwen’s favorite color of blue and she had boiled with envy. It was red hot and she didn’t know how to deal with it, so she took the roller skates from Lina’s locker while they were supposed to be at recess. Much to her dismay, Gwens mom found them in her backpack when she got home, and made her return them to Lina with a note of apology. Then again in fourth grade, she had been really wanting to write a report on Germany, where most of her moms family was from, but her classmate, Gregory, decided that because his name started with a G and so did Germany that he wanted to write the report on Germany. This left Gwen with France and she was fuming. By the end of the report she found that France was also an interesting country riddled with war and drama, but she was still a little jealous that she didn’t get to learn about a country that she came from.

This was different, though. Sydney had never done anything that made Gwen jealous. For the most part, she was just excited for her friend when she got something, or did something that she did not. It felt strange. There was an inner battle that she was fighting about talking to her about it or just leaving it. She didn’t want to create something that wasn’t there, but it was also eating her alive.

Gwen got up and stretched her back and downed the rest of the lemonade in her glass. Nana would know what to say. She always knew what to say to make things better.

Gwen climbed up the small hill that separated the house from the little creek that she was sitting next to and opened the back door to the house. Nana had been working on dessert for that evening and the whole house smelled divine. She was known for her peach cobbler, made front the peaches she grew in her own backyard, and homemade ice cream. Gwen dreamed about it all year long. Her mouth watered a little as she set her glass down on the counter. Nana looked up at her and a warm smile filled her soft, wrinkled, face.

“I was just about to call for you! I want you to help me with dinner. What sounds good? I was going to make some lasagna, but this evening is a little hot for it. Any ideas?” Gwens mood had already lifted. Her Grandmother was one of her favorite people and, without even trying, made her feel at home and safe.

“How do BLT’s sound?” She said in response to Nana. They had gone to the farmers market a couple days before and picked out the perfect tomatoes for BLT’s and Gwen knew that Nana had a loaf of sourdough just waiting to be eaten.

“That sounds heavenly! Let me grab my bag and we can bike into town for some bacon, we ran out this morning at breakfast.” Nana said whipping the counter down with a rag and then tossing it in the empty sink. She loved biking everywhere, no matter how hot the day, and had a cute little Schwinn that was butter yellow with a blue basket. She had picked out the basket with Gwen seven summers before so that they could go to the market together.

Gwen excitedly bounced off to her room to grab her shoes and helmet. While a lot of kids her age had stopped wearing helmets, she didn’t mind having hat hair all summer. Her helmet matched her eyes and Nana always commented on how her eyes looked like deep sparkling lakes whenever she wore it.

“I’m ready!” Gwen said, stumbling out of her room as she tried to tie one of her shoes.

*Click*

“Let’s go!” Gwen could hear Nana’s helmet click under her chin as she called to her across the house.

As they biked to the market, Gwen took deep breaths to take in the upcoming change of seasons. She only had a couple more nights with Nana and Papa and she wanted to make the most of it.

“Nana?” She called forward toward her grandmothers butter yellow bike.

“What’s up, Pumpkin?” Nana called back over her shoulder. She had called her “Pumpkin” or “Peanut” her whole life. Now, as she thought about it, she wasn’t sure she had ever heard her call her by the name her parents gave her. Lost in the thought, she forgot to answer Nana.

“Pumpkin?”

Snapping back to reality Gwen said, “Sorry, lost in thought. I think I am jealous of Sydney. Does that make me a bad friend?”

“Oh, Peanut, no! That doesn’t make you a bad friend. I get jealous often. Sometimes it’s silly and sometimes it’s not. Your Papa is my best friend, and I get jealous of him all the time. What are you jealous about, Pumpkin?” She called over her shoulder with such ease it made Gwen proud that she was her Nana.

“Well, she has been talking about this boy that she likes…” Gwen couldn’t finish the thought because it felt silly to say that she wanted to both have their first boyfriends at the same time.

“Are you jealous that she is going to be spending more time with this boy?” Nana called over her shoulder and that thought hadn’t even occurred to Gwen. She was suddenly jealous about whole other thing entirely. Taking Gwens silence as contemplation, Nana left the question hang in the air. She was good about that. Her mom always asked more questions if Gwen didn’t answer right away, and it was sometimes too much for her. She had a hard tome processing all of the information as fast as her mom was spitting it out, but Nana always gave her space.

They pulled up to the market and Nana took the totes out of her little blue basket. Last summer they had to put another basket on the back of her bike and one on the front of Gwens in order to hold all of their goodies from the market. Papa pretended to be cross that they were getting so many goodies that they needed three baskets, but he loved all of the baked goods they brought home when they had empty stomachs. He was a jolly looking man with a small round belly and a soft white beard. Gwen always thought he looked like a too-skinny Santa and joked with him about it. When Nana and Papa came to visit over Christmas, Gwen would ask Papa if he was her Santa. Over time it became a joke, but when she first asked, she was very serious.

Nana was tall and graceful, and even though she was on the older side for a grandmother, she still caught the eye of everyone in the market. She was beautiful and had a long white braid down her back that she would wind into, what Gwen called, a cinnamon roll on the back of her head when she needed it to be out of the way. As they walked into the market, she smoothed down the hair on top of Gwens head and kissed it. She would often do this after Gwen took off her helmet. She suspected that it was because she had helmet hair and Nana was trying to help, but loved in nonetheless.

“Nana, I hadn’t thought about that until now, but now I am jealous of that, too.” Gwen said as she looked up to Nana, standing so close to her she had to barely speak over a whisper.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have put that thought into your head. What makes you jealous, if that wasn’t it?” She asked. Genuine concern for Gwen filled her gray blue eyes. Gwen had gotten her beautiful eye color from her, and while age had dulled them slightly, they were still the prettiest eyes Gwen had ever seen. Gwens eyes had a little bit more green in them, but Nana’s had been deep blue. So blue that they almost looked black at times. If you didn’t look closely, they were just dark, but if you got up close, you could see flecks of gold and green in the blue. Gwen thought they were the most interesting eyes she would ever see.

“I wanted us to both have boyfriends at the same time. I wanted to know him for as long as she had. I wanted to be able to go on dates together. I don’t even know what you do on a date. It just feels like everything is changing and I don’t think I am ready.” Gwen took a deep breath. She could feel the tears welling up and the lump in her throat starting to swell.

“Oh, Pumpkin, should we go? We can come back in a little bit.” Nana said bending over slightly to make eye contact with her. Her soft hand rested on Gwens shoulder.

“No, we can talk about it on the way home.”

“Okay, let’s be quick. You go get some butter and eggs – make sure there are no cracks and that they are the brown eggs from the Yoder farm – and I will grab the bacon and mayonnaise. Okay?” Nana had a way of making Gwen feel heard and better without even talking about the thing that was hurting her. She somehow knew her better than anyone else, except maybe Sydney.

Gwen wiped her eyes on the collar of her shirt and ran off to the back of the market to find the Yoder eggs. They were Papa’s favorite. He always said that they were the best in the land because the Yoders would feed their chickens extra spicy peppers. When Papa first told Gwen this she had burst into tears “How could they do that to their poor chickens! Spicy hurts!” But Papa assured her that chickens cannot taste the spicy, but they loved the peppers. They had taken a trip to Yoder farms to talk to the keeper of the chickens about it and he told her the only thing it does is make the eggs a little spicy. From that day forward Gwen loved the spicy Yoder eggs because Papa did.

She and Nana met back at the front and Nana looked down at her small gold watch and exclaimed, “New record, Peanut! You’re lightning quick!” The sentiment felt a little childish to Gwen, but she still glowed with pride. It didn’t feel childish coming from her. Gwen, with the eggs securely under her right arm, walked toward Nana flipping her hair with her left hand and swinging her hips back and fourth. This sent a giggle rippling through Nana and Gwen’s heart warmed.

On the way home, Nana started up the conversation about Sydney again.

“So, talk to me, Peanut, you said this summer feels like everything changed. Do you feel like you should have been back home so you could have been a part of it?” Nana’s tone was matter-of-fact. She didn’t seem to be sad or feel bad that she had kept her at the cabin with her.

“Yes and no…” Gwen started, but was unable to finish. She didn’t really know what she wanted. She wasn’t sure how it could be better, she just knew that it was different and that was hard. “…it just feels like Sydney is growing up without me, if that makes sense. I worry that she will get board with our friendship.”

Nana was quiet for a while. Whether it was for Gwen to add more or because she was thinking of how to respond, Gwen was not sure, but she stayed silent for a moment and then added, ” Is that a silly fear? She has never told me she is tired of me, but sometimes I have felt like she doesn’t want to be bothered by my calls.”

“Just this summer or always?” She asked after waiting for a moment.

“Honestly, I am not sure, but I noticed it this summer.” Gwen could feel the lump in her throat growing again and her vision had started to blur a little.

“Well,” Nana started, now biking a little slower so that she was next to Gwen and not in front of her. They took up the whole path, but they were usually one of the only people who used this old dirt path. “I cannot promise you that your relationship wont change. It will change and it will change a lot. Your Papa is my best friend. We were friends for a long time before we got married, and we have been married for a very long time, and we have changed a lot over all of that time. I have known him since I was your age. Don’t you think I have changed in that time?”

Nana looked over at Gwen. Her eyes were full of tears and Nana smiled at her sadly.

“Of course we have changed a lot and had to learn new things about each other. Our relationship has changed a lot over all those years, but he is still my best friend.”

Nana always answered hard to answer questions like this; little stories about her and Papa. There was no denying how she and Papa loved each other. Whenever he was around, Nana would sneak up on him and tickle him and he would feign anger and chase her around until he was able to tickle her back. Gwen wanted a love like theirs, but not anytime soon.

They road in silence the rest of the way home. When they got to the cabin, Gwen saw that Papa’s car was in the driveway. He had been out all day helping a friend of his at their house in the next town over. He was always so generous with his time. This was something Gwen both loved and hated about him. He was loved by everyone that met him, which somehow felt like a betrayal to her, but she couldn’t figure out why, or how, and she would never tell him that.

Gwen dropped her bike and ran into the house to find him munching on a peach from the tree in the back yard. Little bits of juice clung to his white beard and Gwens heart swelled in affection for this cuddly character. She giggled and grabbed a towel to wipe his chin.

“Hi there, Papa!”

“Hi there, Peanut!” he said pulling her into a hug and getting a little of the peach juices on her.

“What’s for dinner, girls?” He asked Nana as she walked in behind Gwen.

“BLT’s and peach cobbler a la mode for dessert.” Nana said pulling him in for a kiss. The peach juices transferred over to her face and she made a teasing disgusted face. “Although it looks like you may have had your fill of peaches already today.” She said nodding to the half eaten peach in his hand. Papa wrapped his arm around her waste and said “Me? Full of peaches? Never!” And they both giggled.

Gwen didn’t know if she was sure she understood her jealous with Sydney, but she did know that she wouldn’t trade this for anything. She was overjoyed that she spent the summer with Nana and Papa in their little cabin by the creek. She knew that nothing would be the same in the outside world, but this place would always stay the same. She would always be Pumpkin or Peanut, her grandparents would always be in love and she would always feel safe. And for right now, that was okay.