Crocodile
October 19. 2024
The zoo had always been a safe space for Lillian. She felt like she could related to the animals more than she could relate to the people in her life. She had always felt a little like she was on display, like these animals were; on display because she was the only girl in the whole family. All of her cousins, all of her parents siblings, all of her siblings; all boys. She wasn’t quite sure how she happened, and felt like such an outsider among them. All of them could play together and learn things from each other, but no one wanted to play with her, and no one wanted to teach her anything.
She had been in frilly dresses since the day she has been born. Pink bows haunted her every dream. Not that she didn’t like them, she did, but there were a lot of aunties and grandmas that were overjoyed to have another female in the family, and that meant that she never wore anything practical. Her uncles didn’t give her much attention. Later in life, she would learn that they all thought that she was born from an affair simply because she was a girl. They believed that they could only produce boys, and the idea of a girl coming about naturally was just ridiculous. But now, at 8, she had no idea that these things were being whispered about her behind her back.
The women in this family stuck together - most of them had been friends prior to them meeting their husbands, and continued to put their friendships first in their lives. All the brothers lived in the same small town that they grew up in, and refused to marry anyone that felt like they needed to move away. So homebodies they found. But Lillian already dreamed of getting away.
Even at 8 years old ( as of last Friday ) she was dreaming of going to India to see the tigers and elephants, and China to see the pandas and monkeys, and to the US rockies to see the black bears and elk, and she wanted to see all of Africa for the lions and the hippos and ostriches. Living in rural Florida, the had really only seen snakes ( a lot of them ), frogs and alligators. She had been told that there were manatees in the state somewhere, but no where that she had ever seen.
As she and her aunts walked through the zoo - the boys had run ahead to go see the crocodiles, which just looked like alligators to Lillian, and she saw those every day - she made notes of all the animals she wanted to see for herself in the wild. She made note, in the new Lisa Frank notebook that her aunt Jamie had given her for her birthday, how many places she had to see before she got married herself. She knew that wasn’t that far away - her mama had already talked to her about Sammie who lived a town over, and was the son of a good friend of hers - but she had a lot to do before she started having babies of her own.
“What do you think of these little cuties?” mama asked pointing at the penguins they were all standing in front of. These were animals she didn’t care to see in person. She didn’t like being cold very much.
“Yeah, they are cute! They have funny little waddles.” Lillian said mimicking their walk. All of her aunts cooed and giggled at her playfulness, just like she knew they would.
